What a year, right? I’m going to try and create a temporary oasis from all of the horrors, disappointments, and overall awfulness that 2017 brought to bear on all of our lives. And what better way to do that than with poetry? And not just any poems – we’re talking haiku, the Cadillac Coupe de Ville of written verse. I looked back at the past 10 games that I played and have immortalized my experiences through that classic form.

You know, it’s basically that thing that I’ve done a few times before (herehereherehereherehere and here.). As always, you’re welcome. And no, you’re a slow news day.

PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds
Staring at a door
Waiting for him to enter
A Venus Guytrap

Night in the Woods
It’s just like my life
back when I was a young’un
but I’m a girl cat

Persona 5
This game is real cool.
Wait, that imp’s on a toilet?
Freaking anime.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Check out my hot take:
The breakable weapons are
the game’s weakest link

Assassin’s Creed Origins
I have one question:
(No, it’s not the pyramids)
“Why’d you shave, Bayek?”

Super Mario Odyssey
Never thought I’d see
what happened to Pauline or
Mario’s nipples

Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus
“It gets so crazy”
When does that happen? … Oh. wait.
OK, this is nuts.

Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp
The series I loved
minus all of the good parts
Tom Nook would be proud

Overwatch
Mystery Heroes
The greatest possible mode
then I get Doomfist

Star Wars Battlefront II
“The Death Star Blew up?
“That’s where our bosses lived, right?”
“Moving right along…”

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